I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You made out with two different species that night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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