you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize