Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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