just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
