i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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