She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
