I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
