I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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