Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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