I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
