to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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