You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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