Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
