he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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