we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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