too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
