That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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