my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im holly from the hills drunk
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
