I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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