She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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