Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
