was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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