you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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