i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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