If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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