either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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