Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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