You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
