there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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