What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
