Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize