Whod you bang
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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