So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Two words: blizzard sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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