Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
