the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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