just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize