Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i barfeds in our rink
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
