Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
