there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
