OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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