So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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