mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
