When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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