I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
