dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize