The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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