so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
