the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
