this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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