I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
