If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
