I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
