It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
