We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
