So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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