He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
