she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
