my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
