wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
