have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
FUCK WHALES
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
