Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
