i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
