When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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