Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
