the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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