He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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