Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
