Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
