..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
