i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
