My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
