Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
